11.10.14

Operation Sellout is go!

Hello dear mentlegens,

I remember I wanted to write some whiney shit while I was in Poland but I forgot what that whiney shit was. Doesn't matter. I'm far removed from 100% mentally, earlier this week I had another one of those spastic stress freakouts that result in me getting absolutely no sleep during a given night and set me back quite a bit in energy and overall well-being. Those usually tend to happen before early meetings for some reason :P but yeah, I slept it off, I suffered some sickness to compensate for the overall turmoil, and now I'm done with it (hopefully).

So what's the big news? Nakpat is go. The original second guitar dude is busy as nutsack, but I managed to assemble a full line up anyway. Half of the guys seem very keen, which just makes this all the better. I'm incredibly rusty guitar wise, but I was just as rusty when I started playing in last year's band and all ended relatively well. I'm about 1000% more pumped for this than I was for that, so there's also that.

The Nakpat track list is finished, has been for a while now. There's a decent amount of continuity, evolution, throwbacks throughout the duration of the record. I'm content with the tracks featured, even the more accessible moments evoke the kind of sellout music I enjoy and not the kind of sellout music that I don't enjoy :P There's also some deep end stuff, mainly locked within interludes.

Ah yeah, I remember what I wanted to write about in Poland now! I'm stuck in 2007 in my head, unsurprisingly. That was when I made Dawn and Beneath, arguably the two best things I ever penned. So I went back through my old CDs (I switched to HD for musical storage around late 2008) and took a look at what I actually tried listening to back then. I thought that my poserdom stopped when I admitted to myself Blind Guardian, Dimmu Borgir and Pantera aren't for me. This was not the case :P There's tons and tons of drivel on there that's completely unlistenable in a manner that I know I'd have hated back then too. Apparently I was trying my hardest to get myself to like metalcore and grind. Thank heavens I stayed true to myself and whatnot :P

So yeah, back to what triggered this little flashback - it's kinda funny how the 2007 me ended up defining the two records that I wrote since then - Turnip and Nakpat. Back then the two tracks were to go on the same CD. Now Dawn's collecting dust on the Turnip freakouts that nobody wants to play and I'm selling my soul for crackers with Nakpat :P

I kinda lost my trail of thought as I started noodling on the guitar again. Gotta get back in shape. I'm kinda ashamed of how rusty I am, but I guess it's natural as I'm trying to let the dream die most of the time, no? Gotta get dressed and hit the city center for the weekly chinese. Peace!

4.8.14

John Rumpy vs. Games

Yes, I have "rechristened" myself to John Rumpy. This way I can go "Hello my name is John Rumpy and I'm very pleased to meet you". It's quite possibly just a phase, but the concept is cool.

I'm writing this in the wee hours of the morning, as I'm post-transatlantic transit and my daily rhythm is down the shitter. Hey, at least somehow I managed to make the to-Europe time change feel like the to-America time change, so I'm not late for everything. I'm early for everything. This is supposedly easier to deal with. It took me like four days on the other side of the pond, but I feel a little less like I got churned up in a washing machine now, so I should be okay.

Why'd I go transatlantic? Because reasons, that's why. The reasons being conference. I flew for 10 hours, spending tons of my budget to stand next to a poster demonstrating my crappy "research" for a few hours. Woop dee fucking doo. I also got to listen to others talk about their stuff, and there are tons of cool things going on. Maybe I'll apply for a spot to some of those labs, assuming I successfully finish this part of my life beforehand. Yes, I'm down in the shitter, how'd you know.

I also met a Finnish girl who was strategically positioned 3 metres from me during the poster session. She seemed just as out of place as me, and that felt nice. I don't think she's interested. I know I'm a little interested. I'll bug her a bit anyway, you never know, maybe shit will work out. I'm not sure I should even try, I'm just a waste of space, plus I don't have a good history of long distance stuff working out.

Anyway, time to get preachy and write a thing that I've been wanting to write for a while now. Think that I'm in a good position to do it now, as I seem to have freed myself quite well... namely, video games. Just like just about every other kid ever, I played some while growing up - abusing the engines of turn of the century FIFA games to do crazy shit, being quite horrible at the basic platformerness of the Nonsense games but still loving them to bits for the randomness, being quite horrible at THPS2 but still getting a kick out of it, obsessing over the original pod racer game as ZOMG POD RACERS. I was never overly addicted or anything, I had other stuff in my life.

Cue early 2012. I apply to my current university, go through the entire confusing situation, apply for a scholarship, get noped. I get depressed even by my standards and delve head first into Team Fortress 2. I play a whole lot, even after transferring to the UK - life's pretty stressful, and that helps me vent steam. Sort of. Eventually I get fed up of TF2, in no small part thanks to my difficult to work with personality resulting in lack of luck in competitive. I guess if I were a spineless git like JR I'd make it higher up and possibly still be playing like he is. Keep at it, docter - you're at nearly 3000 hours and such div1 wow. Pardon the snark, it was uncalled for. Anyway, once TF is out of the picture is where shit gets real.

For you see, TF is like going out for a beer with friends in comparison to dota. Dota is like being a twitching drug addict on a subway station floor. It's quite possibly the most addictive game in history thanks to all the heroes and whatnot, and there's always a reason to play another game after the one you just played. There's always someone to play a game with. Just one more, doing something else, or trying to redo what you just did. You lost? Well damn, you need to win to quit while ahead and feeling good! You just won? Perfect, keep up the streak!

This would result in a HUGE time-suck, and I'd spend a full time job's worth of hours playing the game. Nope, I didn't neglect my work, I'd still get everything done and keep my supervisor happy. Thing is, when not working, dota would be pretty much all I'd do. Because reality sucks and dota makes me feel better, right? Nah. It was a negative-sum mood changer, because I'd feel far worse after losing than the slight mood boost from winning. I'd play a round with a friend in the afternoon, after getting a hunk of analysis out of the way. Then I'd snap out around 3am, head reeling, countless rounds with a rotating line up later.

In the end, this is still probably better than alcoholism as I'm not destroying my internal organs with it and it doesn't deplete my financial reserve. That's not to say that gaming's good, as it's pretty much the same thing. You dive into it headfirst to escape reality being bad. Eventually you surface and reality is still bad. Dota'ing won't support you, unless you're one of the fringe cases who get to be pros, but I'm nowhere near good enough, so it won't do anything to reality apart from leeching temporal and energetic resources you could allocate somewhere else. To be quite fair, I'm not sure I'd want to live off dota anyway, even if given the possibility.

So what sort of inspired advice can I offer to those struggling with a similar sort of "fuck this gay earth" reality-escaping addiction? Well, it doesn't help. It never does. It's a sign of weakness, and it just makes you all the weaker by itself. Cold turkey the hell out of the fucker. The thing that snapped me out was my visit back home early July. I figured that my life's unhealthy, and deliberately left my mouse in the UK for the trip so I wouldn't be able to dota. Did it work out? Hell no, I found a random old horrible mouse in my Polish room and tried to dota on a few occasions on 500 ping internet. Still, I was doing all I could to quit, and eventually the itches died down to a manageable level. I went back to the UK, and I dota'd some more. Still, I was controlling myself - I wouldn't allow myself to lose track of reality, and the vacuum-like feeling of MOAR would result in me killing the game. I was managing it. And I looked around at my life and I realised I don't need it. Yes, this is an obvious realisation to make, but a groundbreaking one for someone stuck in a shithole like that.

I think that the conference helped me the most in that department, actually. I went there sans mouse again, but not consciously. I just didn't need to dota after hours. I think that this ship has finally sailed.

Is life better now? Hell no. Reality still blows. But without this gigantic time and energy suck distraction, I've got a bit more power to face it head on instead of just claiming that life sucks and firing up dota again. I won't stop life sucking. I won't stop myself hating myself for not being musician material. Still, I'm feeling a little saner and more in control with that out of the way. Will I ever dota again? Maybe with friends every now and then, but I don't really feel drawn to it. And if I do dota, I'll have to watch out to not lapse back into the shitstate, and also be weary of it showing up from other factors.

So what's up other than that? Well, as you can tell, I'm depressed. But that's the norm. The Polish girl who I accidentally met in a mall a few years ago and can't get out of my head since then changed her profile picture on Facebook. If fate were less cruel we'd both probably be happy now. I hate myself for being a spineless git, but some things eclipse the sun, especially given my current financial situation. She no longer proudly displays that she's single, so she probably found a guy. Good for her, she really deserves one. Ever since shit hit the fan I try to distract myself, get her out of my head. It's failing. Pretty much every single song I wrote since meeting her is hers one way or another. It's an incredibly touchy subject so I haven't mentioned it here before, and I probably won't again. Just a general moment of weakness. Perfect timing, I'm about to go to a group meeting and then to see my supervisor. I guess I'm due for the annual "I'm fucking worthless" breakdown in front of her. Lights, camera, action.

Other than that, I'm eating a raspberry yoghurt. Uh-huh. Jon Auer's solo record just finished. Before that, I listened to a leak of J Mascis's new one as well. Both make for a good listen in the wee hours of monday morning when you're still supposed to be asleep. I prefer the Auer one, a lot of the Mascis one is him retreading old ground, yet again. The bits and pieces that are novel are quite pleasant though.

I think that'll do it. Huge ramble out of the way. Doesn't matter, nobody reads this shit anyway, just me every few months or whenever. It's quite possible that I'll look back at this from some future time point where I've succumbed to gaming again and I'll curse myself for not having enough strength to stay out, yet being so preachy at this moment in the time-space continuum. I feel like flinging myself off a fucking cliff. Fuck everything.

19.2.14

The Best Curry Ever, and other stuffs

Howdy! It is I, the Rumpy, and I'm coming to you live on location in my room. In front of me, a little bit to the right, is a bowl of the most freaking amazing curry I have made in my life. So without further ado, recipe safekeeping!

Rumpy's Creamy, Yet Intense Balti

Ingredients:
1. rapeseed oil (I used some that was infused with garlic and chilli, not vital though)
2. 3 small'ish red onions, chopped (yes, I use red onions in curry, sue me)
3. 800g tomatoes, chopped
4. tsp black pepper
5. tsp cinnamon
6. tsp cardamon
7. 0.5 tsp cumin
8. tsp garam masala
9. tsp chili powder
10. 0.5 tsp salt
11. 0.5 tbsp minced garlic
12. 0.5 tbsp grated ginger
13. 3 green chillies, chopped, seeds kept
14. coriander-in-a-tube, or chopped real coriander
15. 600g chicken breast, diced
16. juice of half a lemon
17. large pot of greek-style yoghurt

How to:
1. Heat up a decent amount of rapeseed oil in a wok. I put a bit more than I'd typically use, but not enough to even cover the whole bottom of the wok. I'm not one of those "curry must be dripping in oil" type of people. Unless we're talking about butter chicken, that thing's name order of ingredients isn't accidental.
2. Fry up the onions for a moment, until they start to colour up a notch. Toss in the tomatoes and keep stirring until they start thinking about not being solid anymore (but not really fully liquid yet either). Toss in the pepper, cinnamon, cardamon, cumin, garam masala, chili powder, salt, garlic, ginger and chillies and stir for a while longer, letting the tomatoes become even more liquid.
3. Once the tomatoes are pretty liquid, add the chicken. In my case, the chicken was still a bit frozen, so I kept piling on the heated sauce on it, getting it to defrost definitely, saying stuff like "Come on, chicken!" to it, much to the dismay of a random housemate :P Keep at it until the chicken is cooked. A good hint that the chicken is cooked is that it's white all over, you don't see the pink meat. Just to be 300% sure, I kept it on the flame a few extra minutes after that.
4. Turn the heat off altogether, add the pot of yoghurt and the lemon juice and stir through. Serve with rice.

This thing is absolutely magnificent. It started out as me experimenting with a more "traditional" way to make a curry, using whole tomatoes instead of passata, and then it just took off on its own. Thanks to the tomatoes proper, the sauce is delightfully chunky, and the creaminess of the yoghurt (added right at the end to not degrade into white stuff and water) fantastically complements the not-quite-cookie-cutter spice mix and chilli heat. It's also easy to make - obviously, as it's a Rumpy cooking creation, it's a one-pot with nothing exuberant going on. Give it a try, you won't regret it.

So, since I'm already writing one of these things, other stuff? First and foremost - my old MSB friend Beckkill is coming over for a visit next week! We're going to be joined by JR and launch an ascent on Mount Good Times. I foresee a smashing success, as there's tons of bad movies and cider and cooking to be had. Beckkill's doing all sorts of tourist'y research, finding things worth seeing, the complete package more-less. Oh yeah, there's also gonna be a gig by that band I'm in.

For you see, I'm in a band now. The band members are pretty darn tight on their respective instruments, and they absolutely kill that minimalist doom death ballad I penned in 2007 and fine tuned for the Polish doom death band around 2010/2011 or so. The problem is that this is the only bit of repertoire by me, and the songs by the other guitar player are relatively stale, oh so slightly progressive hunks of thrash. As such, I don't foresee Beckkill and JR having too good a time at the gig. In order to make the time a bit less bad, I took some solo spots in some of the other songs, but I'm having trouble coming up with something meaningful to play. I'll have it figured out by gig time for sure though.

Nakpat should hopefully get going around April/May, when my good friend the other guitar player comes back from Africa. I hopefully found a singer in the one housemate I befriended, and hopefully the bass guy for the band I'm playing in now will be around to give me a hand with Nakpat as well. That leaves a drummer spot open. Hopefully all will be well.

I also recently made a pedalboard from an IKEA shelf, the cheap bastard I am. Here's how:

1. Obtain two-pack of IKEA Gorm shelves. I went for the three-plank version - it's plenty long, and the five-plank version wouldn't fit in any bag that's readily available.
2. Take one of the Gorm shelves and 3 metres of strong 50mm velcro. Stick the loop side of the velcro on the shelf. Stick little rubber feet on the other side of the shelf.
3. Take your pedals, unscrew any feet. Apply gaffer tape to bottom of pedals, apply velcro hooks to that. I don't wanna muck up my pedal with velcro residue, and gaffer comes clean off if needed. The gaffer was 50mm too, and white, making for an easy time with the velcro attachment.
4. Stick pedals on board. Profit.

This setup is good, as this way I don't gunk up my pedals with velcro residue and I get the same mileage out of this as I'd get out of any purchased flat pedalboard, at a fraction of the cost. I got a keyboard bag to lug this thing around. So far the velcro and gaffer have been working fine.

Okay, that's about it really. Progress-wise, I'm chugging away and my supervisor seems content. Mood-wise, there's good times and there's bad times, and I tend to swing between the two pretty hard-style. I woke up today with good-times vibes after a nice long sleep, then I got all depressed, then I made the curry and am feeling all great again. I don't understand the workings of my mood system. Feh. I made it so far in, I'll make it a bit further in too. So yeah, that'll be a wrap. Later!